First of all, before we get to the down-right seriousness of my blog, I would like to say that I'm sorry for totally failing and not reaching my goal of posting every week. I know that I am a deep failure and that you are all sadly disappointed in me.
To slightly explain I have just been busy with everything -- school, church, clarinet, piano. Whew i'm in a ton of things. And as I said last post (or... I believe I said? I might be losing my mind...) unfortunately you guys are not my highest priority in life.
Anyways, to the seriousness.
I've been thinking a lot lately. Actually church tonight kind of sprung up this final epiphany. (I think that's the word.. ah ha moment?) I don't really have a "inner circle" like most people would expect. I don't have a single person that I tell EVERYTHING to. I have people that I tell most things. But not everything.
Another thing that brought this on was the fact that I've been reading a book called Just Listen by Sarah Dessen. In this book the main character meets Owen, who helps her to become completely honest. To not hold back anything. And that made me think about how deceptive society is. People are constantly asking me (maybe it's just because I'm in High School) about how they look, their hair, their makeup. And would I tell them if it looked bad? Definitely not. Why? They asked right?
One more thing that I've been thinking about is the fact that I'm not really in a "group." Yes, i have a group of people that I mainly hang out with. I could name 10 (er... 7) off the top of my head. But we don't do all the same things. We're in all the same classes and Band, but other than that what do we have in common? Nothing. Now what about my church friends? Well. Most of them are into sports which I am so obviously not into it's not even funny. (Remember that phase (those of you long time readers) when I was in a health-craze?? Yeah.. not happening so much now. )
Another thing (man.. this is getting long and drawn out... sorry guys!) that drives me nuts about church is that people are so fake and hypocritical (including me sometimes.....) that it drives me nuts. Like during youth group we have about 20 minutes or so of worship, and there is always the SAME PERSON that raises their hands every time. Now, I know that raising their hands is an act of worship, and if that is what they are doing, then fine, but it appears to be that they are doing it just to look like the "godly thing to do." (disclaimer: They could be worshipping. Technically who am I to judge? But I'm just saying what it looks like to my (human, not godly) eyes.) Why? Why pretend? Why not be real??
So basically what I was trying to say through all of that drawn out, bunny-trailing, ranting, and raving is that a) I don't have anyone I tell EVERYTHING to. b) I'm not ever completely totally honest (without holding back anything) to anyone. and C) church sometimes drives me crazy. Even though I do the things that drive me crazy in other people. Which is technically a hypocritical attitude. Which I apologize for now. (at least I realize I'm being the slightest bit hypocritical right????? :/ )
So thanks for reading! Please comment below even if it's to call me a zealot-who-doesn't-like-arabic-people (Long story... yes I was called this this week. And no it's not true! I have many arabic friends.)
Love you all blog readers! Hopefully you won't have to wait too long for my next post.
<3- Kathryn
